Keep Your Communication Style Authentic

Have you ever felt pressure to present yourself a certain way, a way that didn’t feel genuine to you? Maybe you’ve felt you needed to present yourself as more outgoing and energetic despite your introverted, reserved nature? 

As someone who strongly identifies as an introvert, I have felt societal coercion at times to mold myself into a more bubbly, charming person—an extrovert, essentially.

Recently, I felt a bit of this pressure at a Toastmasters meeting. One of the more extroverted club members suggested that speakers should not be afraid to “go big” and act out scenes, use body gestures, and so forth. As said club member was offering these recommendations, all I could think to myself was, Nope. I’ll pass. Thanks. 

I’m not saying it was bad advice—it could be helpful for some, but I don’t think his suggestions apply to everyone or every presentation. For more introverted people, “going big” might feel like forcing yourself into being someone you’re not.

And if someone’s recommendations don’t align with who you are and how you communicate, then is it the best advice for you? 

4 Different Styles 

As outlined in the Pathways project “Understanding Your Communication Style,” there are four communication styles: direct, initiating, supportive, and analytical. The direct communication style is described as decisive and confident, while the initiating style is summarized as enthusiastic and sociable, the supportive style as sincere and calm, and the analytical style as logical and precise.  

Your communication style might change depending on the situation and the people you are talking to. Yet it’s also crucial to remain true to your character, your words, and your values.

But how, exactly, do we accomplish that? 

Diana Robertson, a former Toastmaster, who considers herself an “adaptable introvert,” says staying authentic to her communication style begins with knowing what feels natural and what feels forced. 

“I think it’s important to recognize your natural communication style and use it as your ‘everyday’ approach, because relying too heavily on styles that don’t come naturally can feel draining or even frustrating over time,” Robertson says. “That said, personally I don’t believe anyone should stick to just one style. In certain situations, adapting your communication style can lead to much better results—or even prevent bad outcomes.”

Previously active with Riverside Communicators and the London Business School Public Speaking Club, both in the United Kingdom, and WorldSurfers in Russia, Robertson held several club leadership roles. She says she tends to gravitate toward a mix of direct and analytical communication styles and prefers a more reserved style to a loud one, avoiding overperformance.

“That doesn’t mean I never adapt—I will adjust my tone or approach depending on the audience or situation—but I always do it in a way that still feels true to me,” she says.

For instance, Robertson might rely on more animation and high-energy gestures while delivering a humorous speech. But if discussing statistics with her team, her communication style is direct and calm. She uses a similar approach in her interpersonal interactions, mostly depending on a direct, analytical communication style.

However, if she’s engaging with a person who requires more emotional reassurance, Robertson will adopt a more empathetic tone. But this doesn’t mean she pretends to be someone else or forces flowery language, she says. 

“Instead, I focus on listening carefully and responding sincerely, in a way that feels genuine and works for both of us.”

Authenticity Is Essential

From Adarsh Chandran’s perspective, individuals will always pick up on when a person is not being authentic with their communication style. 

“Audiences can easily spot when someone is being fake,” he says.  

Although he resides in Trivandrum, Kerala, India, Chandran is a member of the Speak With Confidence Club in Canada. He gives an example of a club member who was leading Table Topics^® and seemed to be attempting to imitate a formal, professional speaking style. The member switched back to their natural voice after a few lines, he notes.

“I’ve noticed some people sound artificial at the start of their presentations to appear professional, but they quickly revert to their natural style,” he says. “I share this because I’ve learned the importance of being natural rather than artificial.”

“Be true to your communication style,” he adds. “Don’t fake it to impress an audience; aim to be genuine for yourself.”

Establish Trust and Honesty

Division Director Veniece Tse, based in Munich, Germany, says building trust as the foundation of communication is more critical than ever in these days of ever-present social media. Not only should one be authentic if they communicate on social media, but honest as well, she says.

“Once you make a lie, sometimes you need to have another lie to cover that lie, so you get into this cycle of just lying all the time, and you lose yourself,” Tse says.

Chandran agrees with that sentiment. “Being honest, genuine, and trustworthy is crucial for anyone who communicates or presents,” he says. “You can lose years of goodwill in an instant if you damage your reputation, and it may never return.”

Tse says the three pillars of trust are logic, empathy, and authenticity, and stresses the authenticity component. 

“The foundation of relationships, to me, is always having a trustful relationship, which [means] being able to be authentic,” Tse says. “I think early in my career, there was this motto of ‘fake it ’til you make it.’ I don’t think that’s authentic, and it causes me to have anxiety.” 

Tse strives to be honest in both her personal interactions and in the workplace. For instance, she says it’s better to be open and honest if you don’t feel you can meet a project deadline for whatever reasons. 

When it comes to public speaking, Tse also stresses the value of sharing honest, personal stories to attract and connect with an audience. Talking about your vulnerabilities and who you are will resonate more if they are truthful.

While Tse identifies as an extrovert, she understands that it might be more difficult for introverts to speak out or utilize body gestures and vocal variety during their speeches. To tackle this challenge, she suggests using different mediums to get messages across, whether that’s writing, presenting online, or using visual aids, such as props or data graphics if needed. 

Embracing Our True Self  

Being authentic doesn’t mean limiting yourself. Learning how to be authentic to her character and with her communication style has taken Robertson on an adventure of self-discovery. At first, she felt uncomfortable “going big” during her speeches, but she pushed her limits with each subsequent presentation. With more time and practice, “going big” began to feel more natural, and she even began to enjoy it and flourish, winning awards in the Humor and International Speech contests. 

Nonetheless, she came to realize that her efforts to appear more extroverted began to drain her. A reserved demeanor felt more natural and authentic. These days, Robertson embraces and nurtures her true introverted character more, but still “goes big” with her presentations from time to time.

“Today, I use both styles strategically. I turn to the ‘going big’ approach when I want to create high energy and engagement, but in most situations, I rely on my natural, calmer, and slower style,” she says. 

Robertson continues, “It’s one thing to have the ability to speak confidently and apply it when the situation calls for it. It’s another thing entirely to constantly push yourself to act against your natural tendencies just to fit a mold that doesn’t feel true to who you are.

“The key is balance: Build the skills but use them in an authentic way that feels right for you and your energy.” 

Indeed, you can work on enhancing your communication and presentation skills, but in an authentic way—and not at the expense of your true character.

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