Toastmasters International -Happy Father’s Day!

Illustration of a man reading to his daughter

Illustration by Jerry King

What do I want for Father’s Day this June? I already have it: the daughter that my wife, Joelle, gave birth to 17 years ago—Hannah Rose.

Hannah began communicating with me with her first primal screams, which eventually gave way to cooing smiles, words and phrases, and the addictive singing of “Wheels on the Bus.” Non-verbal communication too: snuggling against my chest as I read stories to her in bed, The Seven Silly Eaters being a particular favorite.

No “hello” will ever match the greetings I got from Hannah when she heard me coming through the front door every day after work: the excited yells of “Daddy, Daddy!” echoing down the hall and a little girl racing into my arms to squeeze me tightly—a hug that said I’m so happy you’re here, I can’t wait to play with you, and I love you unconditionally.

She was my little love bug. Today that love bug is a teenager, and our connection continues, though the communication is, well, a little different.

The modern teenager is a beautiful but mysterious creature, dictated by moods that shift like daily weather patterns. There are days when Hannah and I happily chat away about music; spend an inordinate amount of time reveling in our cuddly dog, Charlie; and hunt for chocolate milkshakes when the need arises. Other days I find myself speaking to a pair of earbuds that don’t speak back. Or I get a quick thumbs-up to my questions—which, translated from teen-speak, means “I am signaling yes to you right now instead of saying words, which will then require conversation.”

My playful teasing and dazzling jokes apparently annoy, rather than entertain, my daughter.

The adulation in those little-girl embraces? Oh, that ship sailed years ago. The cute parroting of what her parents think and say? Also long gone. Hannah, believe it or not, is rather dismissive of our cumulative life knowledge. “How do you not know that?” is a familiar refrain from our seen-it-all 17-year-old.

Teenagers represent transition. They come with newly independent behavior and opinions of their own. So I communicate with caution and care. As we say in Toastmasters, know your audience.

When delivering my message to Hannah, I aim for brevity above all else. Expound on life lessons? Uh, no. Incorporate humor to drive home my point? Very tricky. My playful teasing and dazzling jokes apparently annoy, rather than entertain, my daughter. It’s like doing a standup comedy routine and hearing an exasperated heckler. “Dad, just stop.”

Expressing curiosity about her life is another balancing act. If I toss a flurry of questions her way right after school—probing queries like “How were your classes today?”—my reward is a stream of monosyllabic answers. But when I wade gently back into the waters—or, even better, play it cool and let her come to me—the payoff can be a delightful conversation. Sharing political opinions, laughing at family members, listening to each other.

Joelle and I love seeing the caring, intelligent, happy person Hannah has become. And the journey continues. In less than two years, she’ll be leaving home to go to college. I hope I’ll be getting regular phone calls, Hannah eager to tell me about her new campus and what she’s learning. And if she calls to say she’s homesick or struggling, I’ll be there to listen.

She is the Father’s Day gift that keeps giving. No better present exists than the bright smile of the daughter who enlivens my every day. My Hannah. My love bug.